oh, and adding that link is about as fancy as we'll be getting in here today, kiddos. just needin' a nap and a break from life. i find myself balanced in a strange limbo between boredom and overwork. some moments, i catch a glimpse of my old, motivated, compulsive workaholic self.... but then i fall back into my lethargic half-aware bored shell of a person, and keep going through the motions of work.

perhaps it is simply chronic lack of sleep. it is frightening how hard i had to search my mind to come up with the word "workaholic" .. the concept i wanted to convey was only apparent in the words "over-worker". i KNEW there was another word i wanted to use, i just couldn't find it. that seems to be happening more and more often.

or perhaps, it is a lack of creative stimulation? coupled with forced creative drain - output with no input eventually leaves one empty, unable to conceive of or realize anything new or interesting. when one works in a visual field, that is a significant problem.

at any rate, i'm rambling on and have actually surprised myself with the apparent cohesiveness of some of these sentences, along with some "big words" which have somehow showed up without a conscious request for verbosity. like that one - verbosity.

apprently in this stream-of-consciousness writing thing, my subconscious is actually still awake back there, screaming in the back room of my mind trying to let out some semi-intelligent thoughts. perhaps the trick is just to type as fast as possible, editing the mental voice when necessary to compensate for the typing errors so as to not unecessarily interrupt the stream of thoughts by figuring out what letters were necessary to change the intended words to match the typed words. and i know that this last sentence didn't quite make sense, but editing is not allowed in this kind of free-flow writing, so i hope you successfully muddled through and arrived at the conclusion i was hinting at. which was: when i type, it takes more thought to figure out what letters i should have typed to continue the original thought, than to simply edit the mental voice to match what landed on the screen.

anyway. that was long. that was confusing. i'm not going to read it again. but i am feeling somewhat more awake.

i truly shall attempt to update on a somewhat more regular basis. i have found several competing outlets for my very limited time and words, so i find the writing base much emptier when i visit.

i downloaded my very FIRST IRC client a few nights ago, and in a brief hour discovered why so many people are addicted to the internet and chat rooms. i have restrained myself from logging in again, because i have so many things to do at home, i just can't spend that kind of time at the computer. while i was in the chat room, i was unaware of the passing of time. it was really kind of neat. perhaps i can be more understanding of the hubby's online gaming habit now. although it is kind of like telling an alcholic that his love for whiskey is ok because i have suddenly discovered that i really like peach schnapps. one wrong doesn't cancel out the other, you know?

we are headed off this weekend to the great white north. because of much procrastination on my end, the little kid gifties are not yet finished - and this being T -3 and counting. i can not see when i'm going to have time to actually complete the final details. it seems quite likely that there will be a gift-finishing/gift-wrapping "party" once we arrive. last night i worked on the floor pillows from 7 pm until stuffing the last little cat body this morning at 2 am. i got on a roll - i figured i was already screwed for sleeping so i might as well go for broke. that way they are at least "almost" done.

tonight we are off to see the evil movie of the yeah: Harry Potter. yes that's right- we haven't yet seen it. i had plans to see it with one of my good friends but we have not made connections until now - our schedules are just too far apart. so i am looking forward to wasting time in meaningless entertainment tonight before real life rears it's head again. tomorrow we have a LOT of housecleaning to do, along with packing for a week of vacation.

hmm....

this is getting really inane, and really boring. so i'm going to quit talking for now.

if you're in the mood, sign the book :-)