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2001-03-07 - 15:58:39 so, it was my turn to have bad dreams yesterday. i keep thinking that something bad is going to happen to michael on this trip. and if it does, what would i do? how would i keep going? no answers come to mind, just endless circles of worrying and wondering and bordering on panic.... then snap back to reality. worry-wonder-panic-snap. worry-wonder-panic-snap. i don't know why i have it in my head. i think it would just be like fate to take him from me just when we are getting back on track with each other. i hate this panicky feeling. sometimes i wake up in the middle of the night, just sure that something awful has happened to someone i care about. and, you can't call people up at 2 am just to make sure they are ok. they start to think strange things of you. so i lie awake and wonder, and panic, and start to cry, and just cuddle up close to michael and try not to think about it. and sometimes it is so bad that i wake him up just to hold me. it's not that bad, yet. just a nagging feeling of impending doom. not a full-blown panic attack. i wish he didn't have to go. leave me a note sign my guestbook |
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