ok, fine, right... i know that.

it doesn't make me feel any better.

what can i do so that i am happy, without trashing michael in the process? or, do you all out there want to see me be bummed forever? after all, there is a whole lot more fodder for the creative process when i am completely miserable. look at what it took to get me to even write in my journal again after 2 years?

[sidenote: you know, after i have opened this diary, the goal of actually finishing off the book i have carried around for 18 years is not looking very good. since i am putting all my feelings here, short of copying it all down into the dead tree version, i will NEVER get that little thing finished. it's pretty sad that i'm using the SAME journal that i started in 4th grade!]

as soon as i start to feel less miserable... i lose the drive to write. it's like, when things are going well, there's nothing that i need to work out in my mind. so, i don't want to write, i don't feel like writing... because there's nothing to write about. i really need to fix that. after all, writing is fun, besides being therapeutic.

hey, i wonder why my counter is not working? everytime i peek at my site, i'm getting just a broken link thing. wonder if d-land is having a prob instead of other people? who knows. [who cares, yeah, yeah. bite me]

[pause, chin in hands... oops! dozing at work!]

oh!

ok, i'm awake again. this sucks. i think i am still sick. i start to feel worse about an hour to an hour and a half after i get here. nose stuffs up and hurts. and it is rubbed raw from using toilet tissue instead of kleenex. poor nose.

uh..

yeah.