and now....?

well, i guess i just have to wait and see if he feels like reading. or signing the guestbook, or writing or something.

or maybe it will be another fight night. i don't know. i just don' t know.

i hate not knowing what he's going to do. our telepathy doesn't work right now. there was a time when we would say that "we share a brain", because we'd so often be thinking the same thing. i would always know what he was thinking. i don't know anymore. i don't know how to predict what he might do, how he might feel, what he might think. it's gone. it' s like a part of our relationship is just dead.

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oh, roses...

that makes me think.....

cuz see, i have this mini rose bush in my house.

and, i don't treat it very well, but it hasn't died yet.

but... every once in a while, when it has been getting neglected for a while, i have to trim it to death. it will grow these big, long branches, with only one or two leaves at the very top. and, it will not be growing very well... it won't look very good. and when that happens, i have to cut off all the branches, almost back to the roots. because it is wasting energy trying to make those branches grow, forcing nutrients out to the top of these long stems that aren't helping the plant grow. so.. i cut them off.. and the plant grows. it makes new leaves, it makes new branches.. and, it's going to bloom this winter.

so... our relationship has been getting neglected for a while, and we've got long branches that aren't doing anything for us, so something needs to get trimmed. what can we get rid of? what can we cut out? it comes to mind that my french class is really getting in the way. should i drop my class? will it make that much difference in the next two months? again... i don't know.

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ok... well...

now i'm waiting and wondering and waiting and wondering and waiting and worrying and ...